Prepping is exhausting work with all that planning, food storage, survival training, etc. Not to mention expensive; have you seen the price of ammunition or freeze-dried food these days? And besides, how likely are you to actually encounter a real life emergency anyway?
Maybe it’s time we stop with all this “prepping” nonsense and get back to important stuff, like finally deciding which bookshelf to order from Ikea, catching up on all the TV programs you’ve missed lately, and obsessing about the new iPhone—did you hear it’s 0.002375″ thinner than the last one?
I know you’ve invested a lot of time developing a network of carefully selected, like-minded friends who share you views and concerns, and they will try to convince you that prepping is still just as important—or more important—than ever before. To help you out, I’ve put together a handy list of 19 reasons you don’t need to prep so you can easily rebut their claims.
- Our economy is doing great—just look at the stock market. (Ignore that real unemployment is close to 17% and that most new jobs are low-wage, part-time jobs.)
- You’ll never lose your job or take a pay cut.
- Natural disasters, like fires, floods, and hurricanes never happen.
- OK, sometimes they do, but the government always steps in to help right away.
- Terrorist attacks only happen in other countries. (As long you don’t count events like 9/11, the Fort Hood shooting, Boston bombing, etc.)
- The increasing cost of food is no big deal. It’s certainly not a reason to grow your own.
- GMO is totally cool. We’re 100% certain there are no side effects of putting an entirely experimental technology into our bodies and that it won’t harm our ecosystem. (Even though there is plenty of evidence to the contrary.)
- The same goes for commercially produced meat—added hormones and antibiotics couldn’t possibly have any adverse affect on our bodies.
- Training for self-defense is just silly. I mean, is someone really going to kill you? Besides, if they do, I’m sure you’ll just rise to the occasion like Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies.
- Guns won’t make you safer. (Except when they do.)
- The police will protect you. Maybe. If they aren’t doing anything else. But they don’t have to.
- Stocking up on weapons and ammunition is paranoid. It’s not like politicians will try to ban them or prices will go through the roof.
- The U.S. dollar is solid—the world has absolute trust in our financial stability. China only stopped buying our bonds because they already had enough.
- You’ll never find yourself in a situation where you’ll have to rely on survival skills.
- There will never be civil unrest in America.
- But if there is, the police might step in. (Forget about #11.)
- More citizens are dependent on some form of government assistance today than ever before in history. That recently happened in Greece, resulting in massive riots and destruction when the government ran out of money, but I’m sure it will be completely different here.
- Even though the world has faced multiple pandemics over the last few years, and the CDC admitted to vaccine shortages, there’s nothing to worry about—just take some echinacea.
- Karma, bro. Prepping is just asking for something bad to happen.
Obviously, this article is a parody. If you made it this far before noticing that, maybe it’s time for a break.